When I was in primary school, my father always scolded me for my mistakes. I just loved to play outside at the nearest field with bunch of friends until late evening. He would shout from our house that forced me to stop playing and rushed quickly back home. Leaving my sandals at the field and ran all the way to my house. Then I will quickly go upstairs to have a bath and prepared for prayer and dinner. At that time there was only one thing that I always wanted to do, I want to change my bad habit- coming home late from the field! I just could not resist the wanting to stay longer at the field and keep on playing. That was the only way to have fun because I am the only child in my family. Being with friends is just wonderful as getting a gift on my birthday. There are many other bad habits and qualities that I do not like about myself as I grow older and I never give up in finding ways to correct it until now.
After several years leaving those sweet moments, I am facing tough challenges in the university. I keep asking myself on how to change my attitudes. I told myself that I really need to change because I am the last-minute type of person, which is not very helpful at all in any matter especially during final exams and yet I still cannot find the best way to achieve it. I think I also have problems with time management. I wish I am better in managing time that will help me in many things. There is another problem that keeps bothering me from daylight to night. I have very low self esteem among my other friends. I know I have to gain it to survive in this college life but it seems that I just can gain a bit from joining clubs and involving in curricular activities. Maybe I need to expose to public, join as many activities as I can so that it will help in boosting my self esteem when dealing with others. There is another bad habit that I think I should get rid of, feeling lonely. Walking alone to the cafe, eat your meal alone, go to class alone, shopping alone, finishing assignment alone, crying in the middle of night alone, handling problems alone and talking to yourself are part of my routines now. I feel that everything I do alone makes my life miserable. It is not that I am avoiding others but somehow they just not there whenever I need them. Pity me, that is one of my favourite words.
I am wondering how I can change myself at this age. I can still recall, my teacher gave me an advise - “better late than never”. Maybe that could be helpful. Changing yourself like the way you want is not easy but you can try do it with full of patient and efforts. I keep reminding it in my mind whenever I tried to get rid of my bad habits. Besides, there is a say - your weakness is actually part of yourself and genuinely it is you. We need to change in order to achieve the best but to me remaining who you are is the important part. Change for good but not for bad. Nobody is perfect and we can still learn from this life. Just live your life and you will learn from it, that is what my father told me. Sometimes growing old is not about age but it is about maturity and experiences. We have all sorts of chances and guidelines to follow, it is just whether we noticed it or not. Life without challenges and problems will not be colourful because we should have both and other things to complete our journey of life. Learn to be a good person is a life long learning and it requires everything to be a good person at the end of it.
